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27 July 2006 @ 08:44 pm
Sometimes I think it would be best for everyone if I could just turn my brain off.  
So I'm flipping channels on tv right? And as I'm flipping I hear something about finding human remains in a woman's basement so I stop under the assumption that this could be something of interest. It's the on news apparently. I've obviously missed part of the story but the part I caught was "Police found six human skulls in the basement and a hand in a jar which the woman called Freddy. The woman claimed the hand was a gift from a medical examiner." Like I'm sorry WHAT? I'm assuming this woman is fairly close to me. I feel like the small amount of information I have is the worst possible amount. I know just enough to be totally frightened by this woman but not enough to be reassured that she's locked away in some mental ward and I'm safe. Because I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE MY HAND. Seriously? What the hell. A gift from a medical examiner? I just... I don't even know where to start with that. (Assuming it's true.) Wouldn't that be a warning signal if that was something someone wanted? (There are exceptions to this. One of my best friends has her dad's thumb in a jar. Which is totally different considering the circumstances but that's another story for another time.) What kind of medical examiner gives body parts away as gifts? Where did they get the hand? Do people agree to give away body parts upon their death? Does that count for the whole organ donation thing? Because as an organ donor I feel the need to state that upon my death if you aren't going to use my body parts to someone else's medical benefit I DO NOT want you to stick the remaining ones in jars and give them to psychopaths or anyone else for that matter. And while I usually enjoy naming inanimate objects I would rather you didn't name my body parts unless you really feel the need to. Because frankly it weirds me out.

This whole woman has hand in jar named Freddy thing totally reminds me of this substitute teacher we used to have sometimes in high school. I swear to fucking god I am not making this up you guys. This guy was short and bald and always carried around this black suitcase like bag with him. Always. I swear he was always wearing the same thing. A white button down shirt with a tie and khakis. This guy always had this creepy vibe about him. There was something just a little off. So one day he was filling in and a bunch of us were in study hall. One of the guys starts talking to him. Somehow they end up on the subject of what's in the bag. I SHIT YOU NOT the guy pulls out a glass jar WITH A DEAD SNAKE CURLED UP INSIDE IT. THEN HE PULLS OUT ANOTHER ONE WITH A DEAD TURTLE IN IT. A bunch of the guys thought it was like the coolest thing ever (Because they are freaks I tell you! Freaks!) and the rest of us were cringing trying not to FREAK THE HELL OUT. As the guys were looking at them the guy was all like "Oh be careful those are my babies." and then he tells us that he takes them everywhere with him. Everywhere. Which is why he always has that black bag with him. Because it's full of dead animals in formaldehyde that he is very attached to. I used to see him walking down the halls every once in a while. I would always get a little nauseated when I saw that black bag. I swear to god that guy was straight out of the X-Files. Except that the X-Files weren't real. That guy was very real.

I'm going to try to find more information on the hand in jar named Freddy lady.

ETA: I googled. Just when you think it couldn't get weirder it does. Apparently it was a goth stripper who lives in New Jersey who they found because they received a call about a man trying to kill himself with a hammer. Again I am not making this up. Which is good for me. Not so good for ironsgold. Irons be on the lookout. For what I don't know. Well I do but "A goth stripper who keeps calling that hand in the jar she's holding Freddy" makes me think you won't take me seriously. Really Irons. Be careful.

From the article: "Our main concern is finding out where the hand came from." I'm glad they have their priorities straight. I also learned that human skulls can be readily purchased on the internet. Awesome. SERIOUSLY. Where do they get human skulls?! Who sells human skulls on the internet?! How is that legally possible?! I know I really shouldn't be surprised because anything is possible on the internet. But I am. That is crazy. CRAZY. And they make it sound like they have loads of them for all the customers who are scrambling to get their hands on one. And the guy who lives with her? Was all "I think she has a friend who is a medical examiner or something who does autopsies". DUDE if I was living with a chick who had NAMED her SEVERED HAND in a jar I would be damn sure I knew EXACTLY where she got it from. I would have made her give me references and shit. That guy must be FUCKING CRAZY. And it said the cops are there all the time and there was a huge list of reasons. One for holding another exotic dancer there against her will with SWORDS and one for a missing person believed to be there but who was not. OR WERE THEY? FREDDY?! I mean are you fucking kidding me?! Christ!
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Fiona Apple - A Mistake
melodinousmelodinous on July 28th, 2006 02:58 am (UTC)
Because as an organ donor I feel the need to state that upon my death if you aren't going to use my body parts to someone else's medical benefit I DO NOT want you to stick the remaining ones in jars and give them to psychopaths or anyone else for that matter. I didn't realize how much I've missed you until this moment. And I'm now totally afraid that I'll be in some kind of accident, and as an organ donor, parts of my body will be put in jars and handed out to random crazies.

Speaking of buying skulls, in college for 2 weeks I was in a class on the human skeleton, and to demonstrate the difference between a male and female pelvis, the professor showed us a baby skull and how it didn't fit through the male one, and then didn't really fit through the female one either, but how it stretched to fit (which totally made me not want to have kids), then finished it all by saying, "This isn't a real baby skull, it's just a replica. Real ones are really expensive."

And on a brighter note, did you see this? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/5212498.stm
pandora: Lloyd Make Outpandora_17 on July 28th, 2006 03:22 am (UTC)
Mel! Hi! I like that we're bonding over morbid paranoia. Seriously if what that woman claims is true it's totally possible. Actually it probably doesn't even have to be true. I mean it takes a certain kind of person to be a medical examiner in the first place. (Not that I'm stereotyping people I just saying.) And it all really hinges on whether or not that person has a respect for the dead. I don't think its out of the realm of possibility for one of those people not to. I think more likely than not there is someone out there who has done it at least once. God I wish I could turn my brain off sometimes. I really do.

Oh my god. That's actually kind of funny. But not really. Are you saying that female BONES stretch when you give birth? Because that is a whole new level of pain I can't even imagine.

Dude Kiefer's voice on The Simpsons? That is going to be totally sweet and you know kick ASS.
ora_waiora_wai on July 28th, 2006 10:12 am (UTC)
They kind of slightly dislocate. Like come appart from the joints a little.
pandora: The Shining Twinspandora_17 on July 28th, 2006 10:19 am (UTC)
You know every time I think child birth couldn't be any worse someone tells me something new and even more horrific. I'm really starting to fully understand why it has the reputation as the worst thing you could ever possibly experience. Miracle of life my ass.