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27 July 2006 @ 08:44 pm
Sometimes I think it would be best for everyone if I could just turn my brain off.  
So I'm flipping channels on tv right? And as I'm flipping I hear something about finding human remains in a woman's basement so I stop under the assumption that this could be something of interest. It's the on news apparently. I've obviously missed part of the story but the part I caught was "Police found six human skulls in the basement and a hand in a jar which the woman called Freddy. The woman claimed the hand was a gift from a medical examiner." Like I'm sorry WHAT? I'm assuming this woman is fairly close to me. I feel like the small amount of information I have is the worst possible amount. I know just enough to be totally frightened by this woman but not enough to be reassured that she's locked away in some mental ward and I'm safe. Because I DON'T WANT THAT TO BE MY HAND. Seriously? What the hell. A gift from a medical examiner? I just... I don't even know where to start with that. (Assuming it's true.) Wouldn't that be a warning signal if that was something someone wanted? (There are exceptions to this. One of my best friends has her dad's thumb in a jar. Which is totally different considering the circumstances but that's another story for another time.) What kind of medical examiner gives body parts away as gifts? Where did they get the hand? Do people agree to give away body parts upon their death? Does that count for the whole organ donation thing? Because as an organ donor I feel the need to state that upon my death if you aren't going to use my body parts to someone else's medical benefit I DO NOT want you to stick the remaining ones in jars and give them to psychopaths or anyone else for that matter. And while I usually enjoy naming inanimate objects I would rather you didn't name my body parts unless you really feel the need to. Because frankly it weirds me out.

This whole woman has hand in jar named Freddy thing totally reminds me of this substitute teacher we used to have sometimes in high school. I swear to fucking god I am not making this up you guys. This guy was short and bald and always carried around this black suitcase like bag with him. Always. I swear he was always wearing the same thing. A white button down shirt with a tie and khakis. This guy always had this creepy vibe about him. There was something just a little off. So one day he was filling in and a bunch of us were in study hall. One of the guys starts talking to him. Somehow they end up on the subject of what's in the bag. I SHIT YOU NOT the guy pulls out a glass jar WITH A DEAD SNAKE CURLED UP INSIDE IT. THEN HE PULLS OUT ANOTHER ONE WITH A DEAD TURTLE IN IT. A bunch of the guys thought it was like the coolest thing ever (Because they are freaks I tell you! Freaks!) and the rest of us were cringing trying not to FREAK THE HELL OUT. As the guys were looking at them the guy was all like "Oh be careful those are my babies." and then he tells us that he takes them everywhere with him. Everywhere. Which is why he always has that black bag with him. Because it's full of dead animals in formaldehyde that he is very attached to. I used to see him walking down the halls every once in a while. I would always get a little nauseated when I saw that black bag. I swear to god that guy was straight out of the X-Files. Except that the X-Files weren't real. That guy was very real.

I'm going to try to find more information on the hand in jar named Freddy lady.

ETA: I googled. Just when you think it couldn't get weirder it does. Apparently it was a goth stripper who lives in New Jersey who they found because they received a call about a man trying to kill himself with a hammer. Again I am not making this up. Which is good for me. Not so good for ironsgold. Irons be on the lookout. For what I don't know. Well I do but "A goth stripper who keeps calling that hand in the jar she's holding Freddy" makes me think you won't take me seriously. Really Irons. Be careful.

From the article: "Our main concern is finding out where the hand came from." I'm glad they have their priorities straight. I also learned that human skulls can be readily purchased on the internet. Awesome. SERIOUSLY. Where do they get human skulls?! Who sells human skulls on the internet?! How is that legally possible?! I know I really shouldn't be surprised because anything is possible on the internet. But I am. That is crazy. CRAZY. And they make it sound like they have loads of them for all the customers who are scrambling to get their hands on one. And the guy who lives with her? Was all "I think she has a friend who is a medical examiner or something who does autopsies". DUDE if I was living with a chick who had NAMED her SEVERED HAND in a jar I would be damn sure I knew EXACTLY where she got it from. I would have made her give me references and shit. That guy must be FUCKING CRAZY. And it said the cops are there all the time and there was a huge list of reasons. One for holding another exotic dancer there against her will with SWORDS and one for a missing person believed to be there but who was not. OR WERE THEY? FREDDY?! I mean are you fucking kidding me?! Christ!
Current Mood: worriedworried
Current Music: Fiona Apple - A Mistake
melodinous: kiefermelodinous on July 28th, 2006 02:02 pm (UTC)
It's okay, I just took a sharpie and blacked out the organ donor part, I don't care if I liked having a little pink heart on my license, I don't want my hands kept in jars. Or my feet.

Besides, my sister and I are taking a trip to the New Hampshire State Liquor Store today. Yes, that's right, driving to another state to go to a gigantic liquor store. You have to love my family. But it's all for good reason, her boss is sending her to get wine for something, and I'm getting grape flavored vodka! Also cherry for my friend who likes to drink red bull with vodka but wishes they had cherry flavored red bull, my solution was simple. Cherry flavored vodka instead.

So by tonight I'll be too drunk to worry about people keeping parts of me in jars or selling my bones on ebay. Oh jesus, I hadn't thought about people selling my bones before right now.
pandora: Lloyd Make Outpandora_17 on July 29th, 2006 08:43 am (UTC)
I don't want to burst your bubble or anything but don't they have it on file? I think you would have to deregister or something. Beause when I moved states (twice!) I NEVER told them I was an organ donor and each time? It was on my license. (Okay I might have becasue I have the worst memory ever but I don't remember checking anything that said organ donor and you'd think that would be something I'd remember.)

You know this all has me wondering when exactly they actually do autopsies. Beause usually they do it before the funeral so really you could just ask your family members to check and make sure you're all there. They'd be emotionally scarred but it's for a good cause. Except in my case where I don't want a funeral. So as usual I'm screwed.

I have never heard of a state liquor store. And I love that it's a family outing. I want fruity alcohol too.

I'm amused yet still frightened. And I worry that I've refrightened you but it's okay because by the time you read this you'll be drunk. Actually you're probably sleeping off a hangover and then you'll come on the computer to find this. I am a horrible person. If that happens I'm sorry in advance!